It starts out by describing the main character’s drug induced and drunken car accident.  The graphic description of the falling car, the flames from the fire and what it can do to the human body make one cringe.  When finally pulled from the wreckage and taken to the hospital no one expects him to survive.  Drifting in and out of consiousness he remembers his childhood and shares it with the readers.  He defies the doctors and nurses and survives his incredible injuries though he knows he will never be able to return to his old life again.  So he resolves to make it through each day and wait until he can leave the hospital and embark on his plan to end his life.  He has a brilliant plan for his suicide and looks forward to the day he can carry out the deed.  Though once he meets our second main character Marriane Engal, his thoughts of suicide begin to change.

I was not sure what to expect when I first started reading the book.  I did not read the liner notes or any reviews.  My mother had just finished reading it and all she told me was that it was very good and that the main character is a burn victim.  I had no idea that it would have such an amazing impact.  If you have not read this book, I highly recommend it.  I would love to know what everyone thinks of this book.

I have had a dream about my car being stolen several times.  It happened again last night.  In my dream I had met a friend on the opposite side of town from my house and parked my car there.  I don’t know why, but I remember thinking I shouldn’t leave my car here, but it will probably be alright.  I went to find it the next morning and it was gone.  I looked up and down the street where I parked and I could not find it.  All I could think was “I can’t believe this is happening again.”  Since I have had this dream before I knew I would find it eventually and the stereo would be gone and perhaps a window broken.  But this time I was even afraid that the wheels would be gone.  I ended up waking up before I found the car.  It was very strange.  I had not really thought much about what it means before.  It wasn’t until today that I started thinking that this has to mean something significant for me to have dreamt it more than once or even twice.  Most of what I have found about the meaning of a car being stolen in a dream relates to the loss of identity.  The car indicates independence and direction in life.  Thus the car being stolen symbolizes the inability to move through life.  I guess it makes sense seeing as how my life has been going lately.  I know it will all get better, but for right now I’m sort of at a loss as to how to make it better.  I hate not having control over my situation.

i feel safe in your embrace

your eyes hold mine

looking deep into my soul

you kiss my lips and the world dissolves

together we become one

floating into darkness

I came across this video and was left speechless.  I love it!!  I hope you do as well.  And I hope everyone reading has a safe and amazing holiday season…whatever holiday it is you may celebrate.

The Medium by Gian Carlo Menotti is one of my all time favorites…Here is a brief synopsis of the opera followed by my favorite aria; The Black Swan.

Act I

In the parlor of the medium, Madame Flora, Monica, her daughter, and Toby, a mute servant boy rescued from “the streets of Budapest” play dress-up. When Madame Flora, or “Baba” as they call her, arrives home drunk, she violently chastises them for not preparing for that night’s seance. Soon the guests arrive, Mr. and Mrs. Gobineau, regulars, and the widow Mrs. Nolan who is attending for the first time. With Madame Flora in a trance in her chair, a fake seance is held where Mrs. Nolan speaks with what she thinks is her deceased sixteen-year-old daughter but is really Monica behind a screen. As Monica disappears, Mrs. Nolan rushes to toward the figure and is restrained by the Gobineaus. When order is restored, Mr. and Mrs. Gobineau “communicate” with their deceased two year old son Mickey who does nothing but laugh. After they say goodbye to him, Madame Flora “suddenly, with a loud gasp… clutches at her throat with both hands.” She feels a phantom hand clutching her throat and is “terror-stricken.” After demanding that the guests leave, she calls for Monica and tells her what she felt, eventually blaming Toby who was in the other room the whole time. In an effort to calm Baba’s drunken rage toward Toby, Monica sings her the dark lullaby “The Black Swan” which is interrupted by a voice that Baba hears causing her to fly into a terrified rage at Toby for not telling her where the voice is coming from. The Curtain comes down on Monica again singing the lullaby while Baba recites her Hail Marys.

Act II

“A few days later” Toby is giving a puppet show for Monica, their mutual love becomes more obvious. When Baba comes home, she resumes her accusations on Toby, sure that he knows what went on that night. The guests again arrive, expecting another seance but are driven away by Madame Flora who tries to convince them that the whole thing was a sham by revealing all the tricks that she and Monica used. But the guests are not convinced and leave claiming that while she might have thought she was cheating them, she in fact was not. Once the guests are gone, she drives Toby out despite Monica’s pleas on his behalf. With everyone gone, and Monica in her room, Baba pours herself another drink and questions her own sanity, becoming wild with drink and eventually passing out. Once she has fallen asleep, Toby sneaks back in and tries to get into Monica’s room, but finds it locked and eventually goes to the trunk to find his tambourine. While searching, he knocks the lid of the trunk down waking Baba. Toby quickly hides in the puppet theater. As Baba tries to see where the noise came from and fetches a revolver from a drawer in the table. “Hysterically” she shouts out “Who is it? Speak or I’ll Shoot!” and the puppet theater curtain moves. “Baba screams and fires at it several times.” As Toby’s bloody body collapses grasping the curtain, Baba says “I’ve killed the ghost! I’ve killed the ghost!” Monica, hearing the gunshots, enters, sees Toby’s lifeless body and runs for help. As the final curtain falls “very slowly” Baba asks “in a hoarse whisper,” “Was it you?”

Ronald Jay Moore

1949-2008

Leader of the Band

An only child
Alone and wild
A cabinet makers son
His hands were meant
For different work
And his heart was known
To none –
He left his home
And went his lone
And solitary way
And he gave to me
A gift I know I never
Can repay

A quiet man of music
Denied a simpler fate
He tried to be a soldier once
But his music wouldnt wait
He earned his love
Through discipline
A thundering, velvet hand
His gentle means of sculpting souls
Took me years to understand.

The leader of the band is tired
And his eyes are growing old
But his blood runs through
My instrument
And his song is in my soul –
My life has been a poor attempt
To imitate the man
Im just a living legacy
To the leader of the band.

My brothers lives were
Different
For they heard another call
One went to chicago
And the other to st. paul
And Im in colorado
When Im not in some hotel
Living out this life Ive chose
And come to know so well.

I thank you for the music
And your stories of the road
I thank you for the freedom
When it came my time to go –
I thank you for the kindness
And the times when you got tough
And, pap, I dont think i
Said i love you near enough –

The leader of the band is tired
And his eyes are growing old
But his blood runs through
My instrument
And his song is in my soul –
My life has been a poor attempt
To imitate the man
Im just a living legacy
To the leader of the band
I am the living legacy
To the leader of the band.

focus lost

a mangled heart

fruitless cost

one soul drawn in

wanting more

one dream shattered

wilting core