The Gargoyle by Andrew Davidson

I just finished reading this book.  I knew instantly this was now among my top five favorite books.  I wanted to enter it’s pages and become part of the world of the main characters.  I have not been able to stop thinking about the story.

It starts out by describing the main character’s drug induced and drunken car accident.  The graphic description of the falling car, the flames from the fire and what it can do to the human body make one cringe.  When finally pulled from the wreckage and taken to the hospital no one expects him to survive.  Drifting in and out of consiousness he remembers his childhood and shares it with the readers.  He defies the doctors and nurses and survives his incredible injuries though he knows he will never be able to return to his old life again.  So he resolves to make it through each day and wait until he can leave the hospital and embark on his plan to end his life.  He has a brilliant plan for his suicide and looks forward to the day he can carry out the deed.  Though once he meets our second main character Marriane Engal, his thoughts of suicide begin to change.

I was not sure what to expect when I first started reading the book.  I did not read the liner notes or any reviews.  My mother had just finished reading it and all she told me was that it was very good and that the main character is a burn victim.  I had no idea that it would have such an amazing impact.  If you have not read this book, I highly recommend it.  I would love to know what everyone thinks of this book.

darkness

your arms surround me

i feel safe in your embrace

your eyes hold mine

looking deep into my soul

you kiss my lips and the world dissolves

together we become one

floating into darkness

Rest In Peace

Saying goodbye is never easy, especially to a family member.  My father-in-law passed on Friday 12/12/08 after several days in the hospital and open heart surgery.  This holiday season will not be an easy one. 

Ronald Jay Moore

1949-2008

 

Leader of the Band

An only child
Alone and wild
A cabinet makers son
His hands were meant
For different work
And his heart was known
To none –
He left his home
And went his lone
And solitary way
And he gave to me
A gift I know I never
Can repay

A quiet man of music
Denied a simpler fate
He tried to be a soldier once
But his music wouldnt wait
He earned his love
Through discipline
A thundering, velvet hand
His gentle means of sculpting souls
Took me years to understand.

The leader of the band is tired
And his eyes are growing old
But his blood runs through
My instrument
And his song is in my soul –
My life has been a poor attempt
To imitate the man
Im just a living legacy
To the leader of the band.

My brothers lives were
Different
For they heard another call
One went to chicago
And the other to st. paul
And Im in colorado
When Im not in some hotel
Living out this life Ive chose
And come to know so well.

I thank you for the music
And your stories of the road
I thank you for the freedom
When it came my time to go –
I thank you for the kindness
And the times when you got tough
And, pap, I dont think i
Said i love you near enough –

The leader of the band is tired
And his eyes are growing old
But his blood runs through
My instrument
And his song is in my soul –
My life has been a poor attempt
To imitate the man
Im just a living legacy
To the leader of the band
I am the living legacy
To the leader of the band.

i keep trying to write exactly how i feel about you, but i cannot seem to find the right words.  i do not know how else to say I LOVE YOU.  you are the reason my heart beats.  you make my darkest day shine with hope.  i long for your touch whenever we are apart.  your voice rings in my ears like the most fantastic lullaby.  the bond we share is something most only dream about.  i hope you know just how deep my love for you goes.  not only do i believe you are my true soul mate, but you are my closest friend.  i willingly give you everything i have to offer, mentally and physically.  i love you until the end of time…

Secretary

 

Some would say I have a strange fascination for movies that do not follow the main stream. I guess I would have to agree. I have found some great movies by saying “well, that title looks interesting,” and giving it a chance. I’ve also subjected myself to some really terrible movies that way, but I still search for good ones.

When I find a movie that I think is worth watching over and over again, I tell everyone I know so they may find some meaning in it like I have. This is what I am going to do with this post. I have seen the movie Secretary many times. I fell in love with it the first time I watched it and immediately wanted to see it again.

Lee Holloway is a smart, quirky woman in her twenties who returns to her hometown in Florida after a brief stay in a mental hospital. In search of relief from herself and her oppressive childhood environment, she starts to date a nerdy friend from high school and takes a job as a secretary in a local law firm, soon developing an obsessive crush on her older boss, Mr. Grey. Through their increasingly bizarre relationship, Lee follows her deepest longings to the heights of masochism and finally to a place of self-affirmation. Written by  Sujit R. Varma   (taken from IMDB.com)

 

Lee says this while waiting for Mr Grey to come back after sitting at his desk for several days…

“In one way or another, I’ve always suffered. I didn’t know why, exactly. But I do know that I’m not so scared of suffering now. I feel more than I’ve ever felt,…and I’ve found someone to feel with, to play with, to love,…in a way that feels right for me. I hope he knows that I can see that he suffers too,…and that I want to love him.”

This is said shortly after Mr Grey ‘rescues’ Lee.

“Each cut, each scar, each burn, a different mood or time. I told him what the first one was. I told him where the second one came from. I remembered them all. And for the first time in my life, I felt beautiful. Finally part of the earth. I touched the soil and he loved me back.”

I can’t really put a finger on why this touches me so much…it just does.

 

 

….in dreams….

I found this picture and absolutely love it. I would much rather be happy inside a dream than unhappy outside.

Moulin Rouge!

I love the movie Moulin Rouge!  The story is told so beautifully.  I have watched it so many times I can pretty much recite the whole thing.  The music used in such a way excites my entire body and soul.  I think it touches me more than most because of my love of music and my ideals when true love is concerned. 

 I believe love can be found anywhere and when you least expect it.  When you feel the connection with another person you should embrace it.  Let it bloom like a flower and nurture it as if it may break at any moment.  Allow your heart to open up completely, give everything to the person you love.  You cannot be afraid of what others will say or the possibility of failure or you will miss the chance to have something so real, so true.  Something few people every have the good fortune to find. 

 I believe when you find that special person you will know instantly.  Not only will your bodies meet, but your words and your souls.  They will wrap around you like a cocoon, shielding you from outside harm.  The bond will be so strong that nothing will break you apart.  Never again will you need to hide a single aspect of your being as you will become one.  You will finally have someone who’s heart beats with yours, who walks next to you and knows you are beautiful through out. 

Soulmates

unspoken love

She walked along a path thru the trees, taking in the natural beauty.  Her bare feet warmed by the heat of the earth.  The gentle breeze blew thru her long hair as if to say hello.  Like so many times before she finds herself by the stream.  Alone, she sits on the bank with her feet in the water.  The rhythm of the cool water calms her to the core.  Suddenly she hears foot steps coming closer.  Somehow she knows who it is before she sees his face.  Deep inside her there is an awakening like never before.  As she turns her head she feels a soft touch move thru her hair.  No words are spoken as he sits next to her, taking her hand in his.  She wraps her arms around him and together they slowly lay on the ground.  Their lips meet with a tenderness that quickly turns to a passionate pressure.  Moving as one as their flesh becomes exposed.  An eternity passes as they make love and she realizes this man completes her soul.

O Magnum Mysterium–Morten Lauridsen

This is possibly my most favorite choral piece.  I am moved to tears every time I hear it.  Whenever I need to take a step out of my life and move into my ‘happy place’, this is usually what i listen to.  I am immediately transported to the sky; floating with the words and harmonies.

I have not figured out how to add the track to my post or it would be here.  If you are able to find a good recording of this song and you listen to it, please let me know what you think and the emotions it brings forth for you.