I am completely worn out. I need a vacation from life. I’m tired all the time and I ache all over. I’ve had a terrible pain in my neck for a week now and nothing I do seems to make it better. I just need to be able to sleep and not worry about work or cleaning my house or taking care of my family. I know that sounds bad, but even if it is for one day, I think it would do me a world of good.
Rest In Peace
Saying goodbye is never easy, especially to a family member. My father-in-law passed on Friday 12/12/08 after several days in the hospital and open heart surgery. This holiday season will not be an easy one.
Ronald Jay Moore
1949-2008
Leader of the Band
An only child
Alone and wild
A cabinet makers son
His hands were meant
For different work
And his heart was known
To none –
He left his home
And went his lone
And solitary way
And he gave to me
A gift I know I never
Can repay
A quiet man of music
Denied a simpler fate
He tried to be a soldier once
But his music wouldnt wait
He earned his love
Through discipline
A thundering, velvet hand
His gentle means of sculpting souls
Took me years to understand.
The leader of the band is tired
And his eyes are growing old
But his blood runs through
My instrument
And his song is in my soul –
My life has been a poor attempt
To imitate the man
Im just a living legacy
To the leader of the band.
My brothers lives were
Different
For they heard another call
One went to chicago
And the other to st. paul
And Im in colorado
When Im not in some hotel
Living out this life Ive chose
And come to know so well.
I thank you for the music
And your stories of the road
I thank you for the freedom
When it came my time to go –
I thank you for the kindness
And the times when you got tough
And, pap, I dont think i
Said i love you near enough –
The leader of the band is tired
And his eyes are growing old
But his blood runs through
My instrument
And his song is in my soul –
My life has been a poor attempt
To imitate the man
Im just a living legacy
To the leader of the band
I am the living legacy
To the leader of the band.
freedom rain
Wiping tears from her eyes she drove the old car down the street. Where she was going she didn’t know, nor did she care. All that mattered was she was leaving her past behind. She was leaving the heartache and the frustration forever. Never again would se be bound by a life that wasn’t hers. From this moment forward she would live life for her.
As she looked out the window drops of rain began to fall, like the weather was mimicking her. Not knowing where the idea came from, she stopped the car next to an open field. Taking in the sea of wild flowers spread out before her she stepped from the car. The rain, now coming down harder began to wash over her, weighing down her curls. In what seemed like seconds she was completely drenched. She put her keys in the pocket of her worn jeans and pulled off her jacket. Dropping the useless jacket, she walked farther into the field and realized that this was something she had never done before. It felt wonderful!
She closed her eyes as she halted in the middle of the flowers, and like so many scenes from the movies she adored, she lifted her face to the sky. She spread her arms and let the rain have it’s way with her. Before she knew it she was spinning in slow circles and smiling like she had not smiled in years. It was this very moment that the tears came back. Yet they were different. This time the tears did not come from sorrow or anger, but from relief. She was finally free…
….in dreams….
I found this picture and absolutely love it. I would much rather be happy inside a dream than unhappy outside.
Phenomenal Woman
I love women…in more than a sexual way. There is something about a beautiful and confident woman that amazes me. I strive to be the exact type of woman I admire. I came across this poem a while ago and it fits so much of how I feel.
PHENOMENAL WOMAN
by Maya Angelou
Pretty women wonder where my secret lies
I’m not cute or built to suit a fashion model’s size
But when I start to tell them
They think I’m telling lies.
I say
It’s in the reach of my arms
The span of my hips
The stride of my steps
The curl of my lips.
I’m a woman
Phenomenally
Phenomenal woman
That’s me.
I walk into a room
Just as cool as you please
And to a man
The fellows stand or
Fall down on their knees
Then they swarm around me
A hive of honey bees.
I say
It’s the fire in my eyes
And the flash of my teeth
The swing of my waist
And the joy in my feet.
I’m a woman
Phenomenally
Phenomenal woman
That’s me.
Men themselves have wondered
What they see in me
They try so much
But they can’t touch
My inner mystery.
When I try to show them
They say they still can’t see.
I say
It’s in the arch of my back
The sun of my smile
The ride of my breasts
The grace of my style.
I’m a woman
Phenomenally
Phenomenal woman
That’s me.
Now you understand
Just why my head’s not bowed
I don’t shout or jump about
Or have to talk real loud
When you see me passing
It ought to make you proud.
I say
It’s in the click of my heels
The bend of my hair
The palm of my hand
The need for my care.
‘Cause I’m a woman
Phenomenally
Phenomenal woman
That’s me.
abrupt endings
One of my biggest pet peves is an abrupt ending. Whether it be a movie ending that leaves you saying “WTF was that?! How does that answer anything?” (Granted I don’t want everything in a movie spelled out for me, I do like to have to think about the plot.) Or whether it is a friendship that ends without any reason. How could you one day be close to someone and have fun together and then turn around the next day and stop talking to your ‘friend’? It just seems like the polite thing to do would be to tell the other person you don’t want to be friends with them anymore. That is what I have done every time I decided to cut someone out of my life. There has been a very good reason in each case, but at least that person knew why my circle could no longer include them.
People surprise me more and more all the time. I don’t get it….
Responsibility
I have always tried to keep my heart protected. I’ve tried not to let myself get caught up in my emotions. It has not worked very well, and perhaps that is why I have gotten hurt so much. I also don’t trust people. I always feel like I’m going to be used for one reason or another. My recent past has shown me that I need to be even more careful of who I dare to trust even a little.
I will no longer let down the walls I have built. I will never let anyone else in again. There are very few people who will remain close enough to know me fully. I have been hurt so much it is hard for me to cope. The one person I though would never hurt me has cut me so deeply my soul is bleeding. I am so mad at myself for letting this happen. I should have seen it coming. I should have known better.
No more will I let anyone bring me down. I am in control. I will decide if what people say to me has an impact. It is my choice to be happy.
I was sent this in an e-mail recently and it makes complete sense. I am posting this where I will be able to read it everyday.
TAKING RESPONSIBILITY
I cannot commit to risk unless I am willing to accept responsibility for loss.
To accept responsibility means that I am going to do what has to be done or I am not going to do what has to be done and that whatever happens, good or bad, it is to my credit or it is my responsibility.
Taking responsibility saves time. I do not wonder who will help me. I know I have to help myself.
I may get other people’s opinions, but I still have to make the decision.
All questions about my life are my responsibility.
When I delegate responsibility to another person, I am still responsible.
When I act, I am responsible for my actions, even if what results is not intended.
· I am responsible for what I say.
· I am responsible for what I am.
· I am responsible for what I feel.
· I am responsible for what I do.
· I am NOT responsible for making others happy.
· I am NOT responsible for becoming what someone else wants me to.
· I am NOT responsible for distorting the truth to keep from hurting someone else’s feelings.
· I am responsible for when someone breaks a secret I told him or her, because I was a poor judge of character.
· I am responsible for when people use what I say to hurt me, because I am capable of judging when a person does not wish me well.
· I am responsible for defending myself.
· I am responsible for the ties other people have with me, because it takes two to tango.
· I am responsible for everything in my life that wouldn’t be there unless I did something.
If I do not like my lifestyle, I am responsible.
If I do not like my job, I am responsible.
If I do not like my home, I am responsible.
If I do not like my husband/wife, I am responsible.
If I do not like the way I am treated, I am responsible.
This may be hard to accept, but the truth is, was, and always will be that
“I get what I give”
my mask
I wrote this today. My first poem in years…
My Mask
I’m hidden behind a mask
Afraid for all to see
The woman I am
Not who I pretend to be
I’m scared of being alone
So I conform to a mold
Knowing that if I’m “me”
I’ll have no one to hold
I long to find comfort
Within my own mind
A personal peace
Where I don’t have to hide.
Welcome…
Welcome to my first ever blog. I don’t know how often I will write, but I will try to add things often.
Comments are always welcome to anything posted here.
