i keep trying to write exactly how i feel about you, but i cannot seem to find the right words.  i do not know how else to say I LOVE YOU.  you are the reason my heart beats.  you make my darkest day shine with hope.  i long for your touch whenever we are apart.  your voice rings in my ears like the most fantastic lullaby.  the bond we share is something most only dream about.  i hope you know just how deep my love for you goes.  not only do i believe you are my true soul mate, but you are my closest friend.  i willingly give you everything i have to offer, mentally and physically.  i love you until the end of time…

Secretary

 

Some would say I have a strange fascination for movies that do not follow the main stream. I guess I would have to agree. I have found some great movies by saying “well, that title looks interesting,” and giving it a chance. I’ve also subjected myself to some really terrible movies that way, but I still search for good ones.

When I find a movie that I think is worth watching over and over again, I tell everyone I know so they may find some meaning in it like I have. This is what I am going to do with this post. I have seen the movie Secretary many times. I fell in love with it the first time I watched it and immediately wanted to see it again.

Lee Holloway is a smart, quirky woman in her twenties who returns to her hometown in Florida after a brief stay in a mental hospital. In search of relief from herself and her oppressive childhood environment, she starts to date a nerdy friend from high school and takes a job as a secretary in a local law firm, soon developing an obsessive crush on her older boss, Mr. Grey. Through their increasingly bizarre relationship, Lee follows her deepest longings to the heights of masochism and finally to a place of self-affirmation. Written by  Sujit R. Varma   (taken from IMDB.com)

 

Lee says this while waiting for Mr Grey to come back after sitting at his desk for several days…

“In one way or another, I’ve always suffered. I didn’t know why, exactly. But I do know that I’m not so scared of suffering now. I feel more than I’ve ever felt,…and I’ve found someone to feel with, to play with, to love,…in a way that feels right for me. I hope he knows that I can see that he suffers too,…and that I want to love him.”

This is said shortly after Mr Grey ‘rescues’ Lee.

“Each cut, each scar, each burn, a different mood or time. I told him what the first one was. I told him where the second one came from. I remembered them all. And for the first time in my life, I felt beautiful. Finally part of the earth. I touched the soil and he loved me back.”

I can’t really put a finger on why this touches me so much…it just does.

 

 

lyrics

As a singer, lyrics are of course very important.  There are so many songs with absolutely ridiculous lyrics.  Whenever I hear one like that I first have to ask myself, why would someone write that, and then why in the world would someone want to sing it?!  I won’t sing a song that I can not relate to in some way.  There has to be an emotional connection for me to sing a song well.  Otherwise it’s just pretty noise…if that at all makes sense.  Just like an actor tries to identify with his character, I have to identify with the character of the song.  I try to put myself in the situation of the story being told.  I try to take in the words and make them my own.